I recently watched a video in which a woman was excited to make a new friend, until she discovered that the friend put up a yard sign she strongly disagreed with.
As a Black woman, due to racist rhetoric associated with certain candidates, I am very cautious when I see those candidates signs in my neighborhood. It doesn’t mean I won’t help if there is a problem or I won’t speak and exchange pleasantries if we see each other, or call the fire department and make sure everyone is ok, but I’m going to be very aware of who and what they support and know that I might need to protect my peace and maybe in extreme situations my life.
I hear ya. I have had this feeling towards a certain candidate based on myself being a parents of an LGBTQ child. I have to stop myself from making that assumption that this particular person automatically hates my child because they have “so and so’s” sign in their yard or in their car. I really am trying to give the benefit of the doubt but I can’t help but notice my body’s reaction to these signs and what I think right away. I am so sorry that in the year 2024, you and I are facing these realities.
This is so legitimate. Even though I am not Black myself, I really have a problem with anyone who espouses policies that harm Black folks (or other minority and minoritized groups). I really think that "love thy neighbor" doesn't mean "have strong feelings of warmth for your neighbor" but "be kind to your neighbor". I'm in the privileged position to be able to engage safely with people who endorse candidates who I consider to be immoral actors, but if that engagement isn't going anywhere, I can choose to be kind without being a friend.
Legitimate question - how is this any different than looking at skin color and assuming everything about that person?
I know it is human reaction and I am very guilty of having done this in the past (re: political signs). But I've realized I took it too far and actively trying to connect, learn, and grow with all people across my community.
When I was growing up, there was a common phrase -- "when you assume, you make an ass out of you and me." Isn't that what we are doing here?
Because the reality is that this same argument can be made for each spectrum of political signs and then the outcome is again just echo chambers and disconnections.
I absolutely see where you are coming from but we are rounding another era in history where people ARE assuming political thoughts, feelings, etc based upon skin color / identities -- arabs, muslims, jews are a great example of this happening right now. You can also make arguments for this on all skin colors and races.
I don't agree with this, I actively do not want this to happen, but it is. And we have to own that we can be a part of the solution or a part of the problem. And that starts with talking to people.
You absolutely don't have to like everyone, but that should be determined based upon getting to know them. And with my neighbors, I actively try and get to know all of them and have enjoyed it.
For me it's caution. I want to be sure that household isn't going to chase me down when I'm on my walk or shoot my friends if they knock on the wrong door. I'm not saying I'm not going to be a good neighbor, but I have to be cautious if someone aligns themselves with racist rhetoric.
I believe the crux of the concern is that political candidates are a choice whereas skin color, sexual orientation, etc. is not. So when a person actively chooses a candidate that aligns themselves with negative and dangerous rhetoric or action toward a minority group, that minority group must assume the person themselves also aligns with the dangerous/negative rhetoric and put space between themselves and that person for their own safety. It’s not a judgement on their character, it’s a judgement on their choices.
Not always. Especially this year our political choices have been so limited with extreme views on both sides. We may all not 100% agree with everything the person or party stands for but most choose one closest to our standards. Many of us would LOVE other choices but sadly it’s about money these days.
I hear you, but we're talking about political signs, not votes. A vote is an exercise in choosing the candidate that best aligns with the direction you'd like our government to take. Votes are personal and private.
A political sign is an endorsement that specifically does not allow for engagement in discussion or a nuanced position on policy, because it's basically a billboard that you advertise 24/7.
Do you feel that our modern-day focus on boundary-setting encourages this reaction? "I'm already limited on free time/energy and I'd rather direct it elsewhere." "I need to protect my own mental health from the negative impact their belief system has on me." "The policies they support actively hurt my loved ones so they don't deserve my compassion."
With an MS in psychology I am very much in favor of the modern push to improve how we perceive/manage mental health...AND, I get concerned about the pursuit of perfect boundaries -- taken to its logical conclusion, you end up with a world that's wholly self-centered, has hardly any relationships as broken boundaries result in separation, and permits minimal grace/patience for the messiness of the human condition.
Tbh I'd probably react exactly the same as this woman. But the cognitive dissonance is extremely overwhelming and so difficult to resolve.
I so resonate with what you’re saying. Boundaries ARE important. We don’t need to spend our whole day being berated by Uncle Bob, we should articulate where our boundaries are and enforce them. AND… I think the pursuit of perfect boundaries are contributing to the epidemic of loneliness. It’s actually GOOD for humans to learn to work and live people with whom they have disagreements. It helps us mature emotionally and intellectually.
I especially think we need to teach the younger generation how to “get along” with and communicate with people with different political, religious and social views. Sometimes it seems as if they feel they are “unsafe” just being around people who are different than them. I think that’s such a disservice to who we are as Americans.
I don’t think it’s actually an old vs young issue. I have plenty of people from the Boomer generation who’ve lost friendships over political beliefs. I think for so long it was taboo to discuss politics, but it’s become more normalized. I didn’t know where my great grandparents stood on political ideology until my great grandma was on her deathbed. It just wasn’t something she would talk about even with family.
My parents have bemoaned this phenomena as well: they're seeing their peers become radicalized (usually on Fox News and Facebook) and feel like they can't have a conversation with them because those friends just. keep. bringing. the topic back to the political issue that they most want to rant about. Aligning your political beliefs with your personal identity, such that a disagreement with your beliefs is a disagreement with who you are as a person, seems to have transcended any generational divide.
I so agree. We are struggling to be friends when disagreements exist. I am a GenXer and my adoptive kids are in their 30’s… they are all different and we disagree on a lot- but I am trying to model conversation, love, and finding what we do agree on.
In this scenario- I wonder what might have happened if she could have engaged her in a conversation about the sign- or even just ignore it and focus on the things they had in common. As I see it a political sign doesn’t encompass or challenge all of my moral beliefs- unless it was a big sign. :)
I liked what you stated about trying to set up perfect boundaries. In a world that is very imperfect the development of more nuanced ideas and approaches might need to be considered vs a straight black and white type of thinking/approach. Nuanced ideas can create subtle differences in how we critically think about a particular situation and possibly change the way we would approach a situation like Sharon described in this latest Preamble.
That being said, this is all just so hard to navigate and I would love to hear or share, within this group, some specific ways that people would handle this type of situation. Can you love your neighbor if you don’t completely trust the type of person they might be based on their political beliefs/ideology? How do we allow grace to exist within the messiness of human existence? What does it look like, sound like, and feel like? Maybe sharing some real life examples with each other might be beneficial.
Yes! You can love your neighbor (or relative), even if they are on the opposite side of the political (religious) spectrum. I have 2 friends that believe every word of the Bible literally. I question every word. One of them has the opposite guy’s sign in their yard. It helps if you already knew them and loved them before you find out. Remember when we didn’t know anything about each other’s religion/politics!?! But we agree to disagree, while loving all of the other things we have in common. Therefore, we do not love wholly and completely, and that’s ok. Same with my religious extremist cousin. We love our history of growing up together, and the good people we know each other to be. Most importantly, my father and I loved each other because I knew I had a choice: I could love the only (flawed) father I had, or I could have no father at all. And he recognized the same about me. All of that being said, I completely agree with Eunice Mullins (the first comment). None of these people are denying my humanity, nor threatening my existence. There are limits of acceptance/tolerance! ! I cannot love a hateful person, someone that I know says or does hateful things. I suspect Sharon also has limits. I cannot imagine she is advocating we embrace someone that burns crosses.
But here’s the final point. We have to really get to know the person first before we judge them. The person in the story only saw the sign, and drew the line there, without knowing all of the nuances behind it. Personally, when someone believes differently than me, I want to know why they hold those beliefs, and if maybe we have some common ground that we can build some form of a relationship. It doesn’t have to be BFFs or ostracism. There can be something in between.
Love this. I feel like I’m an advertisement for Braver Angels or Starts with Us.. but that is the exact philosophy behind both groups. We don’t have to agree on politics and the goal shouldn’t be to change a person’s mind on specific issues. It’s about getting to know people and understanding why they have the views they have. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and not assume they are a bad person just because they vote for someone who has policies I may disagree with. There are two candidates for President, neither are perfect and both have policies that some find offensive or scary to their way of life. That doesn’t mean that everyone who votes for them wants to hurt your loved ones or take away your way of life. It’s much more complicated than that.
Google them. I’ve been involved in BA for over a year and even write columns about it for my local paper. It’s been a great way to meet people across the political spectrum and I’ve made many friends. I think Sharon is involved with Starts With Us
I resonate with this so much. I would preach loving your neighbor all the time, and 2020 till now revealed how difficult that was for me. So many relationships were preserved because I loved friends and family since childhood and early adulthood.
I think Nedra Tawwab, who has written books on boundaries, does a really great job of talking about people with imperfections vs someone who does active harm.
I run a public library where love your neighbor is a super important organizational value as we try to create a public space that is truly welcoming to everyone. I can’t remember where I saw it, but I recently saw a quote something along the lines of “ division that begins nationally can begin to be healed locally.” Is that easy? No. Does it mean we’re naïve to the fact that some extreme political views are hostile the very existence of the public library? No. It’s only natural to want to pull back and protect ourselves. But only when we choose to move forward and find commonality first (reading!!!) do we have a chance to be excellent at what we do (literacy!!!!) and enjoy the goodwill of a diverse community.
I love this. I really feel that it’s gotta be a grassroots thing, one in one. Who was it that said “it’s hard to hate up close”? Was in Brene Brown? I have learned that this is so true.
I understand the message here. I do. I just know that if someone’s beliefs included supporting anyone or policies that are actively trying to take away my rights; I cannot and will not give them my trust. I just can’t. Will I help them if they asked for it. Yes. Would I chat on the street and exchange pleasantries, yes. Would I look out for their cat and feed it or watch their dog if they needed it. Absolutely. I just would not invite them into my fold. I can be and am a decent person but I will choose my friends.
I really do get it, but I also think there is a difference between loving your neighbor and trusting them. Does loving my neighbor mean I let a sex offender spend time with my kids? No. But that doesn’t mean my moral values don’t call for loving my neighbor, right?
You’re right! I guess in the context of that lady’s video there was a line between her not being able to be friends with them (which to me involves trust so I can understand) and crossing the street when they were in their driveway to avoid them. I found that bizarre and a bit much. Thanks so much for this. Love and trust is something I often mix up in life and I definitely pay for it, so learning to separate the 2 is so important. It is thought provoking indeed and we all need a little self reflection. ❤️
I completely agree with you. Do you not have to best friends with someone you just have to be a respectful and considerate neighbor. As a teacher, with lots of children, whose parents behave the same way and it makes my job a lot harder.
Agree! Also, we cannot preach inclusivity, and then immediately dismiss people who disagree. I am just thinking about how terrible that other woman must have felt when she realized she was being avoided. And all that probably did is confirm a feeling she might already have, a blanket feeling about "the other side," that they preach inclusivity but are quick to exclude.
One reason I believe in loving neighbors with whom we disagree is because I have been on the other side. My husband and I were raised in a very homophobic religion and community, and when we moved to the San Francisco area in 2005 our beliefs reflected those we had been taught. We were kind to queer folks when we met them, but when political conversations came up (as they did around Proposition 8), we held firm to our religion’s anti-LGBTQ policies. We had a handful of gay friends, and none of them cut us off. They continued to love us and spend time with us despite our differences, despite the fact that those differences threatened their very civil rights. It makes me cry every time I think of how hard those conversations must have been for them. Over time our hearts and minds changed and my husband and I are now staunch, vocal LGBTQ allies. I think often of Dr. King’s quote: “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” It’s humbling to have been on the other side, so I keep that in mind when I encounter people whose beliefs are repugnant to me.
This is why I’m not a fan of political yard signs (or bumper stickers) in general. They display one aspect of who you are. ONE. And there is no further explanation so those seeing the sign automatically assume you believe and align yourself to everything that candidate or party believes, when in fact, most people don’t agree 100% with “their party.” Putting out a yard sign can be very upsetting or triggering for people who vote for “the other side.” We’ve all felt that.. that’s why people steal or destroy political signs. That’s why people honk or yell at drivers with bumper stickers for candidates they dislike. Why people put themselves in this situation is beyond me. There are better ways to support a candidates than advertising in your front yard or on your car. Donate, volunteer, vote!
I agree that putting up yard signs/bumper stickers can bring out reactions. I also think we need to question those automatic reactions. We should be able to live in a world where people can put out yard signs and we still engage and interact with them, and not just on a superficial level. Even just, "Why did you put out that yard sign? Why do you care about this candidate? Do you have any criticism of this candidate?" And like Sharon says listening to understand.
Part of the divide is that we're isolating ourselves from those who think different and aren't engaging in conversations that may bring out those differences. I'm guilty of it for sure. But I've noticed that it also makes me inexperienced at talking about these topics and hearing things I may not agree with. It's like a muscle, and we're not using our political disagreement civility muscle and so it's atrophying.
I think this is really insightful, but I have the mindset that they don't actually 'think' and they're often following behind generations of certain beliefs, not willing to grow, change and evolve. I have a neighbor who I adore, and I know she's a great person, but her political views (to me) completely contradict the type of person she is at her core. They will inevitably put up a yard sign I disagree with any day now (if history has taught me anything), and I'd love to talk to her about it, and I can almost guarantee if I were to point out some of the policies that align with her candidate but go against her faith/Jesus' teachings, she would ultimately tie it back to abortion. IT feels like everything ties back to abortion.
I understand and agree. Especially the last 2 lines. However, here is an explanation of why I put a sign in my yard yesterday. Today is primary day in MO. The candidate I want to win SOS has to beat her opponents to proceed to the general election. Most people don’t know one SOS candidate from another, but if my neighbors see her name on the way to the polls, it might give her a small advantage. There are multiple reasons to display signs. Some are just identity politics. Like putting out your favorite team’s flag, or wearing a player’s shirt. I hope to influence an election by name recognition, at the least, and encouraging neighbors to learn about my candidate, at the most.
I agree that name recognition particularly in local races is important. I was mainly commenting on national elections. Particularly the presidential race.
I agree. I do not plan to put out a presidential sign. People already know which candidate they want in that race. And if they don’t, the best way to earn their vote is one on one. The most important things we can do is engage conversation, dispel misinformation, and make sure they get to the polls. No votes left behind!
It's about one presidential candidate in 2024 being so different from the norm. In 2012 for example, yard signs for Romney or Obama would not have had the same effect. Both were good moral people. They spoke respectfully of each other and of everyone. Sure they had policy differences but good friends could comfortably support opposite candidates. Today is completely different. One of the candidates says and does things that are morally unacceptable. Racism, sexual assault, making fun of the disabled. Neither Romney nor Obama would ever behave like that.
I feel like this is a relatively new phenomenon, likely thanks to social media. I worked as a political staffer in the past, have always had very firm political beliefs, and yet even when I worked in politics (I have long since left the field), some of my closest friends worked for "the other side". I love my friends for who they are, not who they vote for. It saddens me that the world has moved to a place where political beliefs lead to cutting people out.
I too work in a political-based role. It gives me a frontline perspective on the “sides” through behavior and how they represent their respective “side”. Sometimes you can’t unsee certain behaviors and it’s natural to paint the entire group with that broad brush. We’re human, after all. I would still help my neighbor with a trust but verify boundary on a personal level. I still don’t want toxicity in my sphere but it wouldn’t stop me from being a good neighbor.
I recently posted on our Facebook community city page a very bipartisan post reminding people to register to vote and vote in this election since our county has an extremely low voter turnout. I live in a gerrymandered NC rural community. While the post got a lot of shares and likes, it also had extreme arguments in the comments between both parties. There tends to be bullying in my town if you are on the “other” side. I wore my Principle over Party t-shirt to the local grocery store and a man walked up to me and said “So you think I don’t have any principles”. I smiled and said “sir I don’t know you” but was cautious later going to my car. I have had cousins yell at me and unfriend me on Facebook for sharing something they didn’t like that wasn’t aligned with their party. I think it is very sad the way our society has become over politics. It has fractured families and communities more than I have ever seen. I wish it was as simple as remembering there is no IF in “love thy neighbor”.
It says so much about that man who took your shirt as a negative comment about him. Why would he believe that people think a party has no principles? Obviously it would have been likely unsafe to ask that question but man oh man would I have wanted to ask him that. I'm sorry that you've lost people in your life over politics. Hopefully they will come back around with a more open heart.
This hit me hard Sharon. Because when a family put up a Trump sign in our neighborhood my shackles went up immediately. I am not friends with these people and don’t even know these people but I shamefully admit I now harbor judgement against them 😞
I don’t know the right answer here. But I believe that if someone is flying the flag of Trump or someone who promotes they are endorsed by Trump; there is deep seated hate brewing. And that scares me.
Sometimes it helps to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. How would you feel if someone hated or feared you simply because of who you voted for? You may thing “they don’t even know me and are making assumptions about me based on my political views.” I understand that there are strong feeling for and against candidates, but those feelings shouldn’t be projected onto everyone who votes for them. There are myriad of reasons people have different priorities and hence vote differently. Hope this helps.
I do think this is where it's important to point out that a private vote and a public lawn sign are two VERY different things. Placing a sign on your lawn (or a sticker on your car) is generally seen as a straightforward endorsement of a candidate, and it's a form of communication that by its nature does not allow for nuanced discussion. If I place a sign on my lawn then I understand that I am inviting some assumptions and I have to be okay with that, because my placement of a sign is not inviting my neighbors into discussion, it's just signaling my opinion.
People can assume what they want to assume. I don’t care. If someone is embarrassed to be lumped with a political party then that’s probably something they need to examine.
You are so right that people have different priorities. Some people are quite comfortable ignoring racist things a candidate says or does. Others cannot ignore those things. Different priorities. Each person has the right to cast their vote as they see fit. Putting up a yard sign for a racist invites the neighbors to draw their own conclusions, as is their right.
Agree! We are all quick to judge someone’s entire character because of who they support politically. Without having any idea of what that person’s actual beliefs are.
I'm so sad that this is where we are as a country. We moved into a new home in 2020 and we fly an American flag (our son is in the Navy). We have struggled to even be acknowledged by neighbors, is it our American flag? We live in Minnesota, the land of nice people...but this neighborhood has not been. The flag is a sign that we love our country and has been made into a negative. This is beyond sad.
Thank your son for his service. My dad was a Navy veteran. If makes me sad that somehow our nation’s flag is offensive. I know we are not a perfect nation (show me one that is) but we are all American’s and our flag is simply that, our flag. I proudly display a flag on my front porch on Memorial Day, Veteran’s day and the Fourth of July. I’ve never had anyone complain.
Our nation's flag is not offensive. That claim plays into the regrettable divisions in our country right now. I live in Blue Massachusetts and the flag is everywhere.
Yikes. Could my American flag flying on the front of my house (even illuminated at night) be signifying to my neighbors something political???? I’ve lived here a year and only ONE has responded to my gestures of friendship. Which political side am I inadvertently promoting?
I live in a conservative area where many American flags are accompanied by an “F” Biden flag or a Trump flag of some kind. I am angry when I think about how my country’s flag has been hijacked by one political party. I loved flying the flag especially after 9/11 and felt like I had lost that. So I was determined to fly it again and balanced my American flag with a pride flag flown next to it. I hope this is sending the message that I lean heavily into the part of the pledge that says …with liberty and justice for all.
I'm not sure where you live, but around here whenever you see a truck or motorcycle drive by with an American flag - or multiple flags - streaming behind it there is always only *one* political party their bumper stickers are endorsing...and it's usually not the moderate side of that party (eg, "This Truck Runs on Liberal Tears").
I truly believe that no 'side' owns patriotism or the flag: those ideas and symbols belong to all Americans. But I will also say that my dad, who is a conservative-leaning Independent, has questioned whether or not he wants to put up an American flag because he doesn't want any of the neighbors to think he's "making a partisan statement." As Sharon is saying, the best thing we can do is try to get to know our neighbors and NOT jump to conclusions based on assumptions, but it is hard to know if we might also be on the receiving end of those assumptions.
I, personally, am glad you fly the American flag. I hope that we can make the flag "our" symbol again, and by "our" I mean all of us in the USA. Maybe this is a small part of redeeming a symbol that's been coopted.
The flag is loved and honored from coast to coast in red states and blue states. No particular political affiliation can claim the flag. And service members come from every state, too.
What a shame! But, I can also say that friends alienated me because of my vote for HRC and then Biden because I was now a libtard - ugh, I hate that word, and a RINO. Social media has something to do with the unmasking of latent bigotry and racism and hate. I hope we can begin to heal soon because the divide feels stronger than ever.
Yes! Some candidates have normalized bigotry/racism/hatred!
However, it was always there. Now the bigots/racists/haters are empowered to show their true selves. I know because that’s exactly what my dad said when he saw one of them speak for the first time, he said, “he’s saying out loud what I have always thought.”
You need to start getting in the pulpit on Sundays! I know a LOT of Christians that need to hear this! We ALL need to hear this. Mic drop Sharon! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
If it was 1968 and I planned to vote for Hubert Humphrey, and my neighbor put up a Nixon sign, I don't think I'd have a strong reaction. If they put up a George Wallace sign (famous for his 1963 speech which contained "and I say . . . segregation today . . . segregation tomorrow . . . segregation forever"), well I probably wouldn't cross the street to avoid walking by their house. But I also wouldn't talk to them again. A lot of political difference can, and should, be tolerated. But there are limits. Maybe my hypothetical neighbor likes Wallace for his economic policy, not his racism, but the fact that they would hold their nose and vote for him anyway makes me not want to have them at my backyard BBQ.
I hear what you’re saying Sharon but I’m also aware of the paradox of intolerance. I’m all for loving my neighbor until that neighbor supports an idiology that says my trans kid is a scourge upon this nation and is better off dead. Sorry but no. I will not allow those people into my life. I will not welcome them into my home. I have to draw the line somewhere. Even Jesus knew when to flip tables and pull out the whip.
But you don’t know if that person has beliefs against trans people at all, or whether knowing a trans person could change their minds. And I think that’s the point…getting to know the people instead of closing off the possibility. Spoken also as a mom of a trans kid. I draw the line when I actually see hateful behavior or hear hateful words, not by just imagining it’s there. But I do understand everyone’s boundaries are different.
If you don’t want to be mistaken for someone who hates trans people, don’t associate yourself with groups that openly hate trans people. The responsibility isn’t mine to sus that out. It IS my responsibility to protect my kid.
Is there a difference between loving your neighbor and inviting them over for a BBQ? I have people in my life that I unfortunately do not get together with nearly as often due to strong political stands they have taken in our community. However, I am always kind. I would never snub them in public, bad mouth them on social media, etc. But do I want to continue to spend a lot free time and weekends with them? No. I look it as a season of our friendship. I have also backed away from friendships in the past due to their involvement in MLMs. Am I still nice to them? Yes. I realize the situation here is different in that this friendship never truly got off the ground. I think crossing the street is too extreme - you can continue to be nice! It's possible that even if the couples had the same political beliefs they still may not have hit if off as great friends. I think kindness is the key. You should be nice to everybody. You don't have to have everybody over for a BBQ.
I think there is. Loving your neighbor doesn’t even mean “being best buddies.” But most moral and faith traditions define what loving your neighbor looks like. Again, there a variety of words used, but they often involve concepts like patience, kindness, not being quick to anger, not being jealous or full of pride, etc.
My husband and I recently moved to a new neighborhood and met one of our neighbors on a walk recently. She kindly welcomed us to the neighborhood and asked us where we were from. When we told her she responded with “I hope you left that blue sh*t back there.” Both of us were too shocked to respond. The woman then awkwardly laughed and said something along the lines of just kidding. I will admit I do avoid her on walks now.
This makes me sad. I’m a lifelong Tennessean and it’s super common for locals to say “Don’t California my Tennessee” when people move here from “liberal” states. I hate the words, I hate the attitude (as if TN has it all together?!), and the unfriendliness of it. I don’t blame you for being cautious around them now :(
Having moved from a blue state to Arizona, I see that a lot, too. I just never in my life have thought to ask someone their political beliefs upon first meeting them, and especially not in such a hostile way. Not to say I’m not open to political discussion because I very much am, I just haven’t though “if you’re a Republican I have no interest in getting to know you nor do I want you in my neighborhood.”
As a Black woman, due to racist rhetoric associated with certain candidates, I am very cautious when I see those candidates signs in my neighborhood. It doesn’t mean I won’t help if there is a problem or I won’t speak and exchange pleasantries if we see each other, or call the fire department and make sure everyone is ok, but I’m going to be very aware of who and what they support and know that I might need to protect my peace and maybe in extreme situations my life.
I hear ya. I have had this feeling towards a certain candidate based on myself being a parents of an LGBTQ child. I have to stop myself from making that assumption that this particular person automatically hates my child because they have “so and so’s” sign in their yard or in their car. I really am trying to give the benefit of the doubt but I can’t help but notice my body’s reaction to these signs and what I think right away. I am so sorry that in the year 2024, you and I are facing these realities.
I totally get that! I’m sorry that is still happening in 2024. I stand with you!
I completely understand and agree with you.
Completely understand and agree! This is a very difficult situation
This is so legitimate. Even though I am not Black myself, I really have a problem with anyone who espouses policies that harm Black folks (or other minority and minoritized groups). I really think that "love thy neighbor" doesn't mean "have strong feelings of warmth for your neighbor" but "be kind to your neighbor". I'm in the privileged position to be able to engage safely with people who endorse candidates who I consider to be immoral actors, but if that engagement isn't going anywhere, I can choose to be kind without being a friend.
Legitimate question - how is this any different than looking at skin color and assuming everything about that person?
I know it is human reaction and I am very guilty of having done this in the past (re: political signs). But I've realized I took it too far and actively trying to connect, learn, and grow with all people across my community.
When I was growing up, there was a common phrase -- "when you assume, you make an ass out of you and me." Isn't that what we are doing here?
Because the reality is that this same argument can be made for each spectrum of political signs and then the outcome is again just echo chambers and disconnections.
Because skin color doesn't denote specific policy positions, and candidate signs do.
I absolutely see where you are coming from but we are rounding another era in history where people ARE assuming political thoughts, feelings, etc based upon skin color / identities -- arabs, muslims, jews are a great example of this happening right now. You can also make arguments for this on all skin colors and races.
I don't agree with this, I actively do not want this to happen, but it is. And we have to own that we can be a part of the solution or a part of the problem. And that starts with talking to people.
You absolutely don't have to like everyone, but that should be determined based upon getting to know them. And with my neighbors, I actively try and get to know all of them and have enjoyed it.
For me it's caution. I want to be sure that household isn't going to chase me down when I'm on my walk or shoot my friends if they knock on the wrong door. I'm not saying I'm not going to be a good neighbor, but I have to be cautious if someone aligns themselves with racist rhetoric.
I believe the crux of the concern is that political candidates are a choice whereas skin color, sexual orientation, etc. is not. So when a person actively chooses a candidate that aligns themselves with negative and dangerous rhetoric or action toward a minority group, that minority group must assume the person themselves also aligns with the dangerous/negative rhetoric and put space between themselves and that person for their own safety. It’s not a judgement on their character, it’s a judgement on their choices.
Not always. Especially this year our political choices have been so limited with extreme views on both sides. We may all not 100% agree with everything the person or party stands for but most choose one closest to our standards. Many of us would LOVE other choices but sadly it’s about money these days.
I hear you, but we're talking about political signs, not votes. A vote is an exercise in choosing the candidate that best aligns with the direction you'd like our government to take. Votes are personal and private.
A political sign is an endorsement that specifically does not allow for engagement in discussion or a nuanced position on policy, because it's basically a billboard that you advertise 24/7.
Do you feel that our modern-day focus on boundary-setting encourages this reaction? "I'm already limited on free time/energy and I'd rather direct it elsewhere." "I need to protect my own mental health from the negative impact their belief system has on me." "The policies they support actively hurt my loved ones so they don't deserve my compassion."
With an MS in psychology I am very much in favor of the modern push to improve how we perceive/manage mental health...AND, I get concerned about the pursuit of perfect boundaries -- taken to its logical conclusion, you end up with a world that's wholly self-centered, has hardly any relationships as broken boundaries result in separation, and permits minimal grace/patience for the messiness of the human condition.
Tbh I'd probably react exactly the same as this woman. But the cognitive dissonance is extremely overwhelming and so difficult to resolve.
I so resonate with what you’re saying. Boundaries ARE important. We don’t need to spend our whole day being berated by Uncle Bob, we should articulate where our boundaries are and enforce them. AND… I think the pursuit of perfect boundaries are contributing to the epidemic of loneliness. It’s actually GOOD for humans to learn to work and live people with whom they have disagreements. It helps us mature emotionally and intellectually.
I especially think we need to teach the younger generation how to “get along” with and communicate with people with different political, religious and social views. Sometimes it seems as if they feel they are “unsafe” just being around people who are different than them. I think that’s such a disservice to who we are as Americans.
I don’t think it’s actually an old vs young issue. I have plenty of people from the Boomer generation who’ve lost friendships over political beliefs. I think for so long it was taboo to discuss politics, but it’s become more normalized. I didn’t know where my great grandparents stood on political ideology until my great grandma was on her deathbed. It just wasn’t something she would talk about even with family.
My parents have bemoaned this phenomena as well: they're seeing their peers become radicalized (usually on Fox News and Facebook) and feel like they can't have a conversation with them because those friends just. keep. bringing. the topic back to the political issue that they most want to rant about. Aligning your political beliefs with your personal identity, such that a disagreement with your beliefs is a disagreement with who you are as a person, seems to have transcended any generational divide.
I so agree. We are struggling to be friends when disagreements exist. I am a GenXer and my adoptive kids are in their 30’s… they are all different and we disagree on a lot- but I am trying to model conversation, love, and finding what we do agree on.
In this scenario- I wonder what might have happened if she could have engaged her in a conversation about the sign- or even just ignore it and focus on the things they had in common. As I see it a political sign doesn’t encompass or challenge all of my moral beliefs- unless it was a big sign. :)
I liked what you stated about trying to set up perfect boundaries. In a world that is very imperfect the development of more nuanced ideas and approaches might need to be considered vs a straight black and white type of thinking/approach. Nuanced ideas can create subtle differences in how we critically think about a particular situation and possibly change the way we would approach a situation like Sharon described in this latest Preamble.
That being said, this is all just so hard to navigate and I would love to hear or share, within this group, some specific ways that people would handle this type of situation. Can you love your neighbor if you don’t completely trust the type of person they might be based on their political beliefs/ideology? How do we allow grace to exist within the messiness of human existence? What does it look like, sound like, and feel like? Maybe sharing some real life examples with each other might be beneficial.
Yes! You can love your neighbor (or relative), even if they are on the opposite side of the political (religious) spectrum. I have 2 friends that believe every word of the Bible literally. I question every word. One of them has the opposite guy’s sign in their yard. It helps if you already knew them and loved them before you find out. Remember when we didn’t know anything about each other’s religion/politics!?! But we agree to disagree, while loving all of the other things we have in common. Therefore, we do not love wholly and completely, and that’s ok. Same with my religious extremist cousin. We love our history of growing up together, and the good people we know each other to be. Most importantly, my father and I loved each other because I knew I had a choice: I could love the only (flawed) father I had, or I could have no father at all. And he recognized the same about me. All of that being said, I completely agree with Eunice Mullins (the first comment). None of these people are denying my humanity, nor threatening my existence. There are limits of acceptance/tolerance! ! I cannot love a hateful person, someone that I know says or does hateful things. I suspect Sharon also has limits. I cannot imagine she is advocating we embrace someone that burns crosses.
But here’s the final point. We have to really get to know the person first before we judge them. The person in the story only saw the sign, and drew the line there, without knowing all of the nuances behind it. Personally, when someone believes differently than me, I want to know why they hold those beliefs, and if maybe we have some common ground that we can build some form of a relationship. It doesn’t have to be BFFs or ostracism. There can be something in between.
Love this. I feel like I’m an advertisement for Braver Angels or Starts with Us.. but that is the exact philosophy behind both groups. We don’t have to agree on politics and the goal shouldn’t be to change a person’s mind on specific issues. It’s about getting to know people and understanding why they have the views they have. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and not assume they are a bad person just because they vote for someone who has policies I may disagree with. There are two candidates for President, neither are perfect and both have policies that some find offensive or scary to their way of life. That doesn’t mean that everyone who votes for them wants to hurt your loved ones or take away your way of life. It’s much more complicated than that.
I need to find out more about those organizations. Sounds like something I would like to be part of.
Google them. I’ve been involved in BA for over a year and even write columns about it for my local paper. It’s been a great way to meet people across the political spectrum and I’ve made many friends. I think Sharon is involved with Starts With Us
I disagree. I do not find racism to be merely a policy difference. For me, there are deal breakers.
I resonate with this so much. I would preach loving your neighbor all the time, and 2020 till now revealed how difficult that was for me. So many relationships were preserved because I loved friends and family since childhood and early adulthood.
I think Nedra Tawwab, who has written books on boundaries, does a really great job of talking about people with imperfections vs someone who does active harm.
I really love this observation about boundaries. I feel like this can a factor for some people, for sure.
I run a public library where love your neighbor is a super important organizational value as we try to create a public space that is truly welcoming to everyone. I can’t remember where I saw it, but I recently saw a quote something along the lines of “ division that begins nationally can begin to be healed locally.” Is that easy? No. Does it mean we’re naïve to the fact that some extreme political views are hostile the very existence of the public library? No. It’s only natural to want to pull back and protect ourselves. But only when we choose to move forward and find commonality first (reading!!!) do we have a chance to be excellent at what we do (literacy!!!!) and enjoy the goodwill of a diverse community.
Hooray for libraries and librarians! They are our role models. They will show us how to save ourselves.
I love this. I really feel that it’s gotta be a grassroots thing, one in one. Who was it that said “it’s hard to hate up close”? Was in Brene Brown? I have learned that this is so true.
I understand the message here. I do. I just know that if someone’s beliefs included supporting anyone or policies that are actively trying to take away my rights; I cannot and will not give them my trust. I just can’t. Will I help them if they asked for it. Yes. Would I chat on the street and exchange pleasantries, yes. Would I look out for their cat and feed it or watch their dog if they needed it. Absolutely. I just would not invite them into my fold. I can be and am a decent person but I will choose my friends.
I really do get it, but I also think there is a difference between loving your neighbor and trusting them. Does loving my neighbor mean I let a sex offender spend time with my kids? No. But that doesn’t mean my moral values don’t call for loving my neighbor, right?
You’re right! I guess in the context of that lady’s video there was a line between her not being able to be friends with them (which to me involves trust so I can understand) and crossing the street when they were in their driveway to avoid them. I found that bizarre and a bit much. Thanks so much for this. Love and trust is something I often mix up in life and I definitely pay for it, so learning to separate the 2 is so important. It is thought provoking indeed and we all need a little self reflection. ❤️
I completely agree with you. Do you not have to best friends with someone you just have to be a respectful and considerate neighbor. As a teacher, with lots of children, whose parents behave the same way and it makes my job a lot harder.
Agree! Also, we cannot preach inclusivity, and then immediately dismiss people who disagree. I am just thinking about how terrible that other woman must have felt when she realized she was being avoided. And all that probably did is confirm a feeling she might already have, a blanket feeling about "the other side," that they preach inclusivity but are quick to exclude.
One reason I believe in loving neighbors with whom we disagree is because I have been on the other side. My husband and I were raised in a very homophobic religion and community, and when we moved to the San Francisco area in 2005 our beliefs reflected those we had been taught. We were kind to queer folks when we met them, but when political conversations came up (as they did around Proposition 8), we held firm to our religion’s anti-LGBTQ policies. We had a handful of gay friends, and none of them cut us off. They continued to love us and spend time with us despite our differences, despite the fact that those differences threatened their very civil rights. It makes me cry every time I think of how hard those conversations must have been for them. Over time our hearts and minds changed and my husband and I are now staunch, vocal LGBTQ allies. I think often of Dr. King’s quote: “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” It’s humbling to have been on the other side, so I keep that in mind when I encounter people whose beliefs are repugnant to me.
This is why I’m not a fan of political yard signs (or bumper stickers) in general. They display one aspect of who you are. ONE. And there is no further explanation so those seeing the sign automatically assume you believe and align yourself to everything that candidate or party believes, when in fact, most people don’t agree 100% with “their party.” Putting out a yard sign can be very upsetting or triggering for people who vote for “the other side.” We’ve all felt that.. that’s why people steal or destroy political signs. That’s why people honk or yell at drivers with bumper stickers for candidates they dislike. Why people put themselves in this situation is beyond me. There are better ways to support a candidates than advertising in your front yard or on your car. Donate, volunteer, vote!
I agree that putting up yard signs/bumper stickers can bring out reactions. I also think we need to question those automatic reactions. We should be able to live in a world where people can put out yard signs and we still engage and interact with them, and not just on a superficial level. Even just, "Why did you put out that yard sign? Why do you care about this candidate? Do you have any criticism of this candidate?" And like Sharon says listening to understand.
Part of the divide is that we're isolating ourselves from those who think different and aren't engaging in conversations that may bring out those differences. I'm guilty of it for sure. But I've noticed that it also makes me inexperienced at talking about these topics and hearing things I may not agree with. It's like a muscle, and we're not using our political disagreement civility muscle and so it's atrophying.
I think this is really insightful, but I have the mindset that they don't actually 'think' and they're often following behind generations of certain beliefs, not willing to grow, change and evolve. I have a neighbor who I adore, and I know she's a great person, but her political views (to me) completely contradict the type of person she is at her core. They will inevitably put up a yard sign I disagree with any day now (if history has taught me anything), and I'd love to talk to her about it, and I can almost guarantee if I were to point out some of the policies that align with her candidate but go against her faith/Jesus' teachings, she would ultimately tie it back to abortion. IT feels like everything ties back to abortion.
I understand and agree. Especially the last 2 lines. However, here is an explanation of why I put a sign in my yard yesterday. Today is primary day in MO. The candidate I want to win SOS has to beat her opponents to proceed to the general election. Most people don’t know one SOS candidate from another, but if my neighbors see her name on the way to the polls, it might give her a small advantage. There are multiple reasons to display signs. Some are just identity politics. Like putting out your favorite team’s flag, or wearing a player’s shirt. I hope to influence an election by name recognition, at the least, and encouraging neighbors to learn about my candidate, at the most.
I agree that name recognition particularly in local races is important. I was mainly commenting on national elections. Particularly the presidential race.
I agree. I do not plan to put out a presidential sign. People already know which candidate they want in that race. And if they don’t, the best way to earn their vote is one on one. The most important things we can do is engage conversation, dispel misinformation, and make sure they get to the polls. No votes left behind!
It's about one presidential candidate in 2024 being so different from the norm. In 2012 for example, yard signs for Romney or Obama would not have had the same effect. Both were good moral people. They spoke respectfully of each other and of everyone. Sure they had policy differences but good friends could comfortably support opposite candidates. Today is completely different. One of the candidates says and does things that are morally unacceptable. Racism, sexual assault, making fun of the disabled. Neither Romney nor Obama would ever behave like that.
Very well said !
I feel like this is a relatively new phenomenon, likely thanks to social media. I worked as a political staffer in the past, have always had very firm political beliefs, and yet even when I worked in politics (I have long since left the field), some of my closest friends worked for "the other side". I love my friends for who they are, not who they vote for. It saddens me that the world has moved to a place where political beliefs lead to cutting people out.
I too work in a political-based role. It gives me a frontline perspective on the “sides” through behavior and how they represent their respective “side”. Sometimes you can’t unsee certain behaviors and it’s natural to paint the entire group with that broad brush. We’re human, after all. I would still help my neighbor with a trust but verify boundary on a personal level. I still don’t want toxicity in my sphere but it wouldn’t stop me from being a good neighbor.
Because this election I believe it is about the very real possibility of losing our democracy
I recently posted on our Facebook community city page a very bipartisan post reminding people to register to vote and vote in this election since our county has an extremely low voter turnout. I live in a gerrymandered NC rural community. While the post got a lot of shares and likes, it also had extreme arguments in the comments between both parties. There tends to be bullying in my town if you are on the “other” side. I wore my Principle over Party t-shirt to the local grocery store and a man walked up to me and said “So you think I don’t have any principles”. I smiled and said “sir I don’t know you” but was cautious later going to my car. I have had cousins yell at me and unfriend me on Facebook for sharing something they didn’t like that wasn’t aligned with their party. I think it is very sad the way our society has become over politics. It has fractured families and communities more than I have ever seen. I wish it was as simple as remembering there is no IF in “love thy neighbor”.
It says so much about that man who took your shirt as a negative comment about him. Why would he believe that people think a party has no principles? Obviously it would have been likely unsafe to ask that question but man oh man would I have wanted to ask him that. I'm sorry that you've lost people in your life over politics. Hopefully they will come back around with a more open heart.
I am so sorry for your losses.
This hit me hard Sharon. Because when a family put up a Trump sign in our neighborhood my shackles went up immediately. I am not friends with these people and don’t even know these people but I shamefully admit I now harbor judgement against them 😞
I don’t know the right answer here. But I believe that if someone is flying the flag of Trump or someone who promotes they are endorsed by Trump; there is deep seated hate brewing. And that scares me.
Sometimes it helps to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. How would you feel if someone hated or feared you simply because of who you voted for? You may thing “they don’t even know me and are making assumptions about me based on my political views.” I understand that there are strong feeling for and against candidates, but those feelings shouldn’t be projected onto everyone who votes for them. There are myriad of reasons people have different priorities and hence vote differently. Hope this helps.
I do think this is where it's important to point out that a private vote and a public lawn sign are two VERY different things. Placing a sign on your lawn (or a sticker on your car) is generally seen as a straightforward endorsement of a candidate, and it's a form of communication that by its nature does not allow for nuanced discussion. If I place a sign on my lawn then I understand that I am inviting some assumptions and I have to be okay with that, because my placement of a sign is not inviting my neighbors into discussion, it's just signaling my opinion.
Which is why I don’t do yard signs and bumper stickers.
Right, but Natalie (and Sharon) were talking about yard signs and flags.
People can assume what they want to assume. I don’t care. If someone is embarrassed to be lumped with a political party then that’s probably something they need to examine.
You are so right that people have different priorities. Some people are quite comfortable ignoring racist things a candidate says or does. Others cannot ignore those things. Different priorities. Each person has the right to cast their vote as they see fit. Putting up a yard sign for a racist invites the neighbors to draw their own conclusions, as is their right.
Agree! We are all quick to judge someone’s entire character because of who they support politically. Without having any idea of what that person’s actual beliefs are.
I'm so sad that this is where we are as a country. We moved into a new home in 2020 and we fly an American flag (our son is in the Navy). We have struggled to even be acknowledged by neighbors, is it our American flag? We live in Minnesota, the land of nice people...but this neighborhood has not been. The flag is a sign that we love our country and has been made into a negative. This is beyond sad.
I am a Democrat in California and I fly the American flag because I have family in the military, and I love my country.
Thank your son for his service. My dad was a Navy veteran. If makes me sad that somehow our nation’s flag is offensive. I know we are not a perfect nation (show me one that is) but we are all American’s and our flag is simply that, our flag. I proudly display a flag on my front porch on Memorial Day, Veteran’s day and the Fourth of July. I’ve never had anyone complain.
Our nation's flag is not offensive. That claim plays into the regrettable divisions in our country right now. I live in Blue Massachusetts and the flag is everywhere.
Yikes. Could my American flag flying on the front of my house (even illuminated at night) be signifying to my neighbors something political???? I’ve lived here a year and only ONE has responded to my gestures of friendship. Which political side am I inadvertently promoting?
I live in a conservative area where many American flags are accompanied by an “F” Biden flag or a Trump flag of some kind. I am angry when I think about how my country’s flag has been hijacked by one political party. I loved flying the flag especially after 9/11 and felt like I had lost that. So I was determined to fly it again and balanced my American flag with a pride flag flown next to it. I hope this is sending the message that I lean heavily into the part of the pledge that says …with liberty and justice for all.
I'm not sure where you live, but around here whenever you see a truck or motorcycle drive by with an American flag - or multiple flags - streaming behind it there is always only *one* political party their bumper stickers are endorsing...and it's usually not the moderate side of that party (eg, "This Truck Runs on Liberal Tears").
I truly believe that no 'side' owns patriotism or the flag: those ideas and symbols belong to all Americans. But I will also say that my dad, who is a conservative-leaning Independent, has questioned whether or not he wants to put up an American flag because he doesn't want any of the neighbors to think he's "making a partisan statement." As Sharon is saying, the best thing we can do is try to get to know our neighbors and NOT jump to conclusions based on assumptions, but it is hard to know if we might also be on the receiving end of those assumptions.
Thank you Emily. How sad. My dad always flew the flag and I’ve carried on that tradition. But now it means something else. 😔 I live in West Virginia.
I, personally, am glad you fly the American flag. I hope that we can make the flag "our" symbol again, and by "our" I mean all of us in the USA. Maybe this is a small part of redeeming a symbol that's been coopted.
Yes! Thank you Johnathon.
No. The flag is loved by everyone. I live in Blue Massachusetts and flags are everywhere.
Truly sad...I feel you.
Please thank your son for his service.
The flag is loved and honored from coast to coast in red states and blue states. No particular political affiliation can claim the flag. And service members come from every state, too.
What a shame! But, I can also say that friends alienated me because of my vote for HRC and then Biden because I was now a libtard - ugh, I hate that word, and a RINO. Social media has something to do with the unmasking of latent bigotry and racism and hate. I hope we can begin to heal soon because the divide feels stronger than ever.
Yes! Some candidates have normalized bigotry/racism/hatred!
However, it was always there. Now the bigots/racists/haters are empowered to show their true selves. I know because that’s exactly what my dad said when he saw one of them speak for the first time, he said, “he’s saying out loud what I have always thought.”
You need to start getting in the pulpit on Sundays! I know a LOT of Christians that need to hear this! We ALL need to hear this. Mic drop Sharon! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
If it was 1968 and I planned to vote for Hubert Humphrey, and my neighbor put up a Nixon sign, I don't think I'd have a strong reaction. If they put up a George Wallace sign (famous for his 1963 speech which contained "and I say . . . segregation today . . . segregation tomorrow . . . segregation forever"), well I probably wouldn't cross the street to avoid walking by their house. But I also wouldn't talk to them again. A lot of political difference can, and should, be tolerated. But there are limits. Maybe my hypothetical neighbor likes Wallace for his economic policy, not his racism, but the fact that they would hold their nose and vote for him anyway makes me not want to have them at my backyard BBQ.
I would have the same reaction, which is why I admire Shirley Chisholm so much!
I absolutely agree. We can’t tolerate that level of intolerance.
I hear what you’re saying Sharon but I’m also aware of the paradox of intolerance. I’m all for loving my neighbor until that neighbor supports an idiology that says my trans kid is a scourge upon this nation and is better off dead. Sorry but no. I will not allow those people into my life. I will not welcome them into my home. I have to draw the line somewhere. Even Jesus knew when to flip tables and pull out the whip.
I see you. I am you. And, I agree. Sometimes I feel like the calls for "tolerance" are so misdirected.
But you don’t know if that person has beliefs against trans people at all, or whether knowing a trans person could change their minds. And I think that’s the point…getting to know the people instead of closing off the possibility. Spoken also as a mom of a trans kid. I draw the line when I actually see hateful behavior or hear hateful words, not by just imagining it’s there. But I do understand everyone’s boundaries are different.
If you don’t want to be mistaken for someone who hates trans people, don’t associate yourself with groups that openly hate trans people. The responsibility isn’t mine to sus that out. It IS my responsibility to protect my kid.
Is there a difference between loving your neighbor and inviting them over for a BBQ? I have people in my life that I unfortunately do not get together with nearly as often due to strong political stands they have taken in our community. However, I am always kind. I would never snub them in public, bad mouth them on social media, etc. But do I want to continue to spend a lot free time and weekends with them? No. I look it as a season of our friendship. I have also backed away from friendships in the past due to their involvement in MLMs. Am I still nice to them? Yes. I realize the situation here is different in that this friendship never truly got off the ground. I think crossing the street is too extreme - you can continue to be nice! It's possible that even if the couples had the same political beliefs they still may not have hit if off as great friends. I think kindness is the key. You should be nice to everybody. You don't have to have everybody over for a BBQ.
I think there is. Loving your neighbor doesn’t even mean “being best buddies.” But most moral and faith traditions define what loving your neighbor looks like. Again, there a variety of words used, but they often involve concepts like patience, kindness, not being quick to anger, not being jealous or full of pride, etc.
You can love your neighbor and still choose not to be friends. It doesn’t mean in a time of need, that person wouldn’t try to help them out.
My husband and I recently moved to a new neighborhood and met one of our neighbors on a walk recently. She kindly welcomed us to the neighborhood and asked us where we were from. When we told her she responded with “I hope you left that blue sh*t back there.” Both of us were too shocked to respond. The woman then awkwardly laughed and said something along the lines of just kidding. I will admit I do avoid her on walks now.
This makes me sad. I’m a lifelong Tennessean and it’s super common for locals to say “Don’t California my Tennessee” when people move here from “liberal” states. I hate the words, I hate the attitude (as if TN has it all together?!), and the unfriendliness of it. I don’t blame you for being cautious around them now :(
Having moved from a blue state to Arizona, I see that a lot, too. I just never in my life have thought to ask someone their political beliefs upon first meeting them, and especially not in such a hostile way. Not to say I’m not open to political discussion because I very much am, I just haven’t though “if you’re a Republican I have no interest in getting to know you nor do I want you in my neighborhood.”