Before I go off on a tangent let me first say thank you Amanda for this essay, it was really soothing to get this framed in a clarifying way. Everything you said makes a lot of sense.
Here’s where my mind went: the evil part of linking employment with affordable healthcare is that it traps people into harmful non-decisions in their career. So many people would love to make a choice but feel like their family’s health depends on them to stay put. We tend to think of companies as being “generous” to provide benefits to their employees, but there really isn’t such a thing as “generous” or “greedy” corporations. They all do the absolute minimum so that their shareholders are happy. It’s structural to how corporations are defined: to not be “greedy” would get the executives fired. These “benefits” are cudgels to keep us from a competitive market of being fulfilled in our careers. The “benefits” are often things that should be guaranteed as basic human rights: health, a secure retirement, earning a living over the cost of survival. “Benefits” (if they exist at all) should be icing on top of that, not survival basics.
That’s something to think about when you hear someone use the phrase “Medicare for all” in their election campaigns. They are also talking about giving you the freedom to choose a job that’s right for you, instead of extorting you into a trap, with your family’s health as their leverage.
Once you can pursue a career of your choice, maybe then you can also pursue our country’s founding ideals: life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness. 😌
Ouch - this one hits. "What’s the payoff of not deciding? You might be avoiding responsibility, the unknown, grief, judgment of others, failure, or even success."
This hits: “Ask yourself, what is this indecision costing me? … How is it preventing you from showing up fully in the life you currently have? Is your self-trust eroding?”
I love this framing. Indecision is often considered the “safe space,” because you haven’t yet taken a risk—but in practice, it’s often a very stressful space that doesn't really goes away. You keep returning to it like an item on a to-do list that never gets done. Over time, you can even start judging yourself for not having decided yet, which makes sitting in the indecision even more painful.
What I’ve noticed is that my indecision is usually a desire to act, paired with an insecurity (or several) getting in the way. “You’re looking for permission. And nobody can give you that.” In that sense, it isn’t really indecision at all—it’s a quiet desire I’m denying for one reason or another. Those reasons may be completely rational, but they don’t make the desire disappear. That’s why the indecision lingers: I can’t say no without denying a part of myself, and I can’t say yes because I haven’t given myself permission.
I wonder if it would be easier to give myself that permission by viewing this state the way I would a small child with a need—someone looking to me for help. Approaching indecision with that kind of self-compassion might make it easier to move through it more gently and deliberately. Because then the question isn’t whether to do something, but how to make it happen—an active question, rather than a theoretical one.
Before I go off on a tangent let me first say thank you Amanda for this essay, it was really soothing to get this framed in a clarifying way. Everything you said makes a lot of sense.
Here’s where my mind went: the evil part of linking employment with affordable healthcare is that it traps people into harmful non-decisions in their career. So many people would love to make a choice but feel like their family’s health depends on them to stay put. We tend to think of companies as being “generous” to provide benefits to their employees, but there really isn’t such a thing as “generous” or “greedy” corporations. They all do the absolute minimum so that their shareholders are happy. It’s structural to how corporations are defined: to not be “greedy” would get the executives fired. These “benefits” are cudgels to keep us from a competitive market of being fulfilled in our careers. The “benefits” are often things that should be guaranteed as basic human rights: health, a secure retirement, earning a living over the cost of survival. “Benefits” (if they exist at all) should be icing on top of that, not survival basics.
That’s something to think about when you hear someone use the phrase “Medicare for all” in their election campaigns. They are also talking about giving you the freedom to choose a job that’s right for you, instead of extorting you into a trap, with your family’s health as their leverage.
Once you can pursue a career of your choice, maybe then you can also pursue our country’s founding ideals: life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness. 😌
Ouch - this one hits. "What’s the payoff of not deciding? You might be avoiding responsibility, the unknown, grief, judgment of others, failure, or even success."
So good. The question I ask myself when waffling is... Is anyone going to die if I (fill in the blank)?
This hits: “Ask yourself, what is this indecision costing me? … How is it preventing you from showing up fully in the life you currently have? Is your self-trust eroding?”
I love this framing. Indecision is often considered the “safe space,” because you haven’t yet taken a risk—but in practice, it’s often a very stressful space that doesn't really goes away. You keep returning to it like an item on a to-do list that never gets done. Over time, you can even start judging yourself for not having decided yet, which makes sitting in the indecision even more painful.
What I’ve noticed is that my indecision is usually a desire to act, paired with an insecurity (or several) getting in the way. “You’re looking for permission. And nobody can give you that.” In that sense, it isn’t really indecision at all—it’s a quiet desire I’m denying for one reason or another. Those reasons may be completely rational, but they don’t make the desire disappear. That’s why the indecision lingers: I can’t say no without denying a part of myself, and I can’t say yes because I haven’t given myself permission.
I wonder if it would be easier to give myself that permission by viewing this state the way I would a small child with a need—someone looking to me for help. Approaching indecision with that kind of self-compassion might make it easier to move through it more gently and deliberately. Because then the question isn’t whether to do something, but how to make it happen—an active question, rather than a theoretical one.