The Messages That Broke Me

When “the joy of the Lord” comes wrapped in cruelty

This story is personal. And it’s one in which I want to tread lightly, because I know some people will read it and their innate inclination will be to get their hackles up, to feel as though they are personally under attack. They will want to hit back, to refute my claims, to lean into a posture of whataboutism that mollifies their own feelings. That’s easier. I get it.

Let me ask, respectfully, that you try to read this with an open mind. That you think about how you might feel if you were in similar shoes, and which conclusions you might draw. And then, if you would like to offer an alternative viewpoint respectfully in the comments, I’d be happy to consider your thoughts.

I’ve been sent millions of DMs over the course of my social media career. That number is staggering, and it’s not an exaggeration. But this one slapped me across the face. “You’re a f***ing c**t,” it said. “Shut the f**k up.” Being told to shut up is nothing new for me. But the C-word, that was something else entirely.

I immediately felt the blood rise in my face. Who is this man? I wondered, clicking on his profile picture. There, in his bio, was his full legal name. From there, it wasn’t hard to find him on Facebook, where he used the same profile picture. He stood beside his wife as they smiled for the camera, a tropical location behind them.

Front and center in his profile was the statement: “The joy of the Lord is my strength.”

From there, it took only a couple of clicks to see who his wife was: an elected official. Not one from my state, but perhaps from one of yours, if you reside south of the Mason-Dixon. His wife’s bio referenced John 16:33: “In this world you will have trouble. But be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world.”

Given that this man took no pains to hide his identity, it was not difficult to find him on LinkedIn. It wasn’t hard to see which nonprofit boards he served on, including more than one faith-based group that worked with children.

My first thought was: How dare you.

My second was: How can I make sure he never works with women and children again?

And my third was: Why are the followers of Christ the meanest people on the internet?