I didn’t have content like this in mind when I became a subscriber of The Preamble. Thankfully, the Editor-in-Chief is a wise woman, who can also read my mind. ❤️
I have a similar experience coming up in June. A bucket list item to meet someone whose music I enjoy. 😊
I love this! My husband has anxiety and this is what he does sometimes. Either he will talk himself out of something or someone else will (like another family member who has anxiety too). I’m going to share this with him. Thank you!
Thanks Amanda, as a naturally shy person if you’d told me that in 2025 I’d be marching at our state capitol with a homemade protest sign among thousands of total strangers I would’ve said ‘you’ve got the wrong person’ but I have gone to every protest and it’s changed me for the better and a lot of those strangers are now friends.
Do it! Years ago, my husband was traveling in Europe for work. He asked me to join him for the last leg of his trip, which required getting from Houston to Norway alone. I was terrified. But no way was I missing that chance! So I did it, and it was the second-most empowering thing I've ever done. I learned that 1. I love traveling; 2. I can navigate security and check-ins and plane changes and airports + taxis in foreign countries on my own; and 3. While I prefer traveling with others, going alone can be pretty fun too!
I had planned to attend a social outing this weekend. I had a million excuses not to go: the weather was not great, I was tired from work, I was going alone, it was far away, I might be late etc. I almost bailed but got in my car and went. I had a great time! It’s hard to push through the anxiety but we can do hard things 🙂
I grew up as a very shy kid. My parents always referred to me as bashful. I liked the quiet of the things I knew.
As I got older I pushed my boundaries bit by bit and discovered I like the excitement of things I didn’t know.
I still have to push myself from time to time, but I’ll never forget going to a movie by myself for the first time at 18. That was the day I decided that I can do this!
This Sunday series is quickly becoming my favorite Preamble feature, and that's saying A LOT because I never miss a Preamble article. I learn something new about myself every week. There's a lot this week that I'll unpack privately, but the idea of going to a concert alone is 💡! I LOVE concerts! My husband isn't as big of a fan, though he will join me here and there. I only have a couple of friends who love concerts as much as me, and of course they aren't always available because life. So I've ended up missing a few great shows because I didn't have anyone to go with. But wait...I can just take myself?? I'm going to challenge myself to do this at least once this season.
This happened to me last night. I did not want to leave my warm house to go to a get together for Bad Bunny's concert. But I did it and I was happy I did. I have definitely learned to tell when I actually need rest though and what happens when I ignore my body. Thanks for this!
Neurodiverse family here: this type of messaging can drift into abelism. Nervous system capacity fluctuations are real, burnout is damaging, and it is a valuable skill to know when to rest. When you have anxiety, sometimes the thing that needs to change isn’t you. Sometimes pushing yourself harder does more damage, and being in a world that tells you that the problem is that you are just not pushing yourself enough results in stigma and shame which compound mental health loads as well as chronic health loads. Trial-and-error to see if you’ll learn you can “survive” isn’t a healthy strategy for everyone.
I hear what you're saying and I can understand why you would think that way. I too am ND and have OCD and anxiety, both of which have my nervous system on red alert going into crowds and uncomfortable situations. Maybe this particular article wasn't for your family's situation but I will say this: I didn't find relief from my OCD and anxiety until I found a licensed therapist who does ERP therapy and uses exposures (kind of) like this article suggests to grow my tolerance of discomfort in situations I want to be in but can't, I just had to start a LOT smaller. Flying on a plane to a concert would be the end game for me, not the first exposure
I've pretty much accepted who I am and love myself in a healthy way to not beat myself up because I don't always want to force myself into certain situations . Like I said before I have learned other ways to be heard without standing up in crowds and making statements , at least not yet.
Came here to comment something similar, thank you for putting words to the ND experience of so many of us. Reading pieces like this often leave me feeling “less than” or “broken” but your voice reminded me that when I see sweeping generalizations like this article provides, they are often meant for NT minds. Appreciate you. 💗
Thank you, Amanda , for the good advice as I am an anxiety neurotic and avoid certain situations ,as well. Getting over that hump is a struggle for me and makes me find other ways to do things that are much less stressful. I'll take what you have said to heart and keep working on it ,as I sense a need to put myself out there in these dark times politically and stand for what is right for all Americans to form a more perfect union in our country starting right where I live.
Not only does non-committal behavior damage oneself, but people repeatedly canceling plans on their “friends” don’t seem to realize how disrespectful and hurtful that can feel to the other person. I guess if it’s mutual, that’s one thing (to each their own), but people… think about the person you’re doing this to and how that literally impacts their brain’s trust centers and self-worth over the long term.
Especially ghosting. Don’t ruin someone else just because you couldn’t say goodbye. A quick explanation is enough. Seriously, you’ll save someone else years of psychological pain.
I didn’t have content like this in mind when I became a subscriber of The Preamble. Thankfully, the Editor-in-Chief is a wise woman, who can also read my mind. ❤️
I have a similar experience coming up in June. A bucket list item to meet someone whose music I enjoy. 😊
I love this! My husband has anxiety and this is what he does sometimes. Either he will talk himself out of something or someone else will (like another family member who has anxiety too). I’m going to share this with him. Thank you!
Thanks Amanda, as a naturally shy person if you’d told me that in 2025 I’d be marching at our state capitol with a homemade protest sign among thousands of total strangers I would’ve said ‘you’ve got the wrong person’ but I have gone to every protest and it’s changed me for the better and a lot of those strangers are now friends.
I love this!!!
I was just writing about this today in my journal. This wasn't a perspective I had. Thank you!!
I resemble this article! Thank you. Currently trying to decide to do a thing which requires travel
Do it! Years ago, my husband was traveling in Europe for work. He asked me to join him for the last leg of his trip, which required getting from Houston to Norway alone. I was terrified. But no way was I missing that chance! So I did it, and it was the second-most empowering thing I've ever done. I learned that 1. I love traveling; 2. I can navigate security and check-ins and plane changes and airports + taxis in foreign countries on my own; and 3. While I prefer traveling with others, going alone can be pretty fun too!
I had planned to attend a social outing this weekend. I had a million excuses not to go: the weather was not great, I was tired from work, I was going alone, it was far away, I might be late etc. I almost bailed but got in my car and went. I had a great time! It’s hard to push through the anxiety but we can do hard things 🙂
Yes!!
The Preamble continuing to come through with pieces I did not expect to read here and didn't know how much I needed to read.
Also, the power of Taylor to provide solace, community, and connection made my heart feel so warm. A lovely story and message in my inbox today.
Thank you for sharing, Amanda!
Thank you Sarah, also love your work!
That means so much, Amanda! Thank you.
I grew up as a very shy kid. My parents always referred to me as bashful. I liked the quiet of the things I knew.
As I got older I pushed my boundaries bit by bit and discovered I like the excitement of things I didn’t know.
I still have to push myself from time to time, but I’ll never forget going to a movie by myself for the first time at 18. That was the day I decided that I can do this!
This Sunday series is quickly becoming my favorite Preamble feature, and that's saying A LOT because I never miss a Preamble article. I learn something new about myself every week. There's a lot this week that I'll unpack privately, but the idea of going to a concert alone is 💡! I LOVE concerts! My husband isn't as big of a fan, though he will join me here and there. I only have a couple of friends who love concerts as much as me, and of course they aren't always available because life. So I've ended up missing a few great shows because I didn't have anyone to go with. But wait...I can just take myself?? I'm going to challenge myself to do this at least once this season.
This happened to me last night. I did not want to leave my warm house to go to a get together for Bad Bunny's concert. But I did it and I was happy I did. I have definitely learned to tell when I actually need rest though and what happens when I ignore my body. Thanks for this!
Neurodiverse family here: this type of messaging can drift into abelism. Nervous system capacity fluctuations are real, burnout is damaging, and it is a valuable skill to know when to rest. When you have anxiety, sometimes the thing that needs to change isn’t you. Sometimes pushing yourself harder does more damage, and being in a world that tells you that the problem is that you are just not pushing yourself enough results in stigma and shame which compound mental health loads as well as chronic health loads. Trial-and-error to see if you’ll learn you can “survive” isn’t a healthy strategy for everyone.
I hear what you're saying and I can understand why you would think that way. I too am ND and have OCD and anxiety, both of which have my nervous system on red alert going into crowds and uncomfortable situations. Maybe this particular article wasn't for your family's situation but I will say this: I didn't find relief from my OCD and anxiety until I found a licensed therapist who does ERP therapy and uses exposures (kind of) like this article suggests to grow my tolerance of discomfort in situations I want to be in but can't, I just had to start a LOT smaller. Flying on a plane to a concert would be the end game for me, not the first exposure
I've pretty much accepted who I am and love myself in a healthy way to not beat myself up because I don't always want to force myself into certain situations . Like I said before I have learned other ways to be heard without standing up in crowds and making statements , at least not yet.
Came here to comment something similar, thank you for putting words to the ND experience of so many of us. Reading pieces like this often leave me feeling “less than” or “broken” but your voice reminded me that when I see sweeping generalizations like this article provides, they are often meant for NT minds. Appreciate you. 💗
Thank for the counter point, N C.
Thank you, Amanda , for the good advice as I am an anxiety neurotic and avoid certain situations ,as well. Getting over that hump is a struggle for me and makes me find other ways to do things that are much less stressful. I'll take what you have said to heart and keep working on it ,as I sense a need to put myself out there in these dark times politically and stand for what is right for all Americans to form a more perfect union in our country starting right where I live.
I needed to read this! Thank you!
Not only does non-committal behavior damage oneself, but people repeatedly canceling plans on their “friends” don’t seem to realize how disrespectful and hurtful that can feel to the other person. I guess if it’s mutual, that’s one thing (to each their own), but people… think about the person you’re doing this to and how that literally impacts their brain’s trust centers and self-worth over the long term.
Especially ghosting. Don’t ruin someone else just because you couldn’t say goodbye. A quick explanation is enough. Seriously, you’ll save someone else years of psychological pain.
I can’t believe this needs to be said.