Most Decisions Don’t Matter

Focus your mind on making the best of whatever you choose

In 2002, Harvard offered a photography course that was secretly an experiment. Students spent weeks learning to shoot and develop black-and-white film. At the end, each student printed their two favorite shots and had to give one up. Half were told the choice was final. The other half could swap anytime in the next five days. They wanted to know how the students in each group would feel about their choices later.

Most of us assume the students who could switch got a better deal. Why lock yourself into something you can’t take back? And modern life supports this belief. Thanks to technology, it’s easier than ever to cancel, switch, ghost, or back out of something. The “maybe” RSVP era is officially here. Recent polls have found that more than a third of Americans often agree to plans even if they aren’t sure that they want to follow through. Among people under 30, it was more than half.

Everyone has adjusted accordingly. People cancel on us, so we cancel on them. Businesses charge late fees if you cancel or no-show. Hosts assume half the yeses won’t come. We overpromise and under-deliver because a yes you’re free to take back is basically a maybe. You RSVP to a party but you haven’t actually decided to go — you’ve scheduled the real decision for Saturday at 5 p.m. when you’re about to get dressed.

But there are costs to keeping your options open and delaying decisions. Of course there is the obvious one: we are in a loneliness epidemic and more isolated than ever. But let me tell you about the other one: exhaustion. Your mind treats every open choice as unfinished business, comparing it to other options, hunting for flaws, and rechecking whether it’s actually worth your time. Most of us are already struggling with decision fatigue. We then add to our load by refusing to commit and leaving every decision open, so we get to make it again and again until the deadline forces our hand.

When researchers followed up with the photography students, they were surprised by the finding. The students who were able to change their minds ended up liking their photo less and being more discontent during the process. The open window kept them comparing it with the one they’d given up, wondering whether they’d kept the wrong shot.

In contrast, the other group of students made peace with their photo and grew to like it even more as time passed. Psychologists call this your psychological immune system. The same way your body mobilizes to heal a cut without being asked, your mind knows how to make peace with the situation it’s stuck with. It just won’t start until the choice is final.

So what’s the point? Why am I telling you this? I’m not here to preach that younger generations need to get married or commit to bigger decisions. Instead, I want you to stop wasting so much time on the small choices you make. If you say you’re going to attend the party, go unless something genuinely comes up. Stop worrying about whether you picked the perfect blender. Once you find an apartment, stop browsing on Zillow. Allow your mind’s abilities to go to work helping you enjoy what you chose.

The truth is, most choices do not radically change your life (though the internet likes to tell us every product or routine will). Most choices don’t mean as much as we think they do, and most are changeable. So stop wasting so much time on small decisions and save your energy for the ones that actually matter.