Thank you for the reminder to move on and stop focusing on the friendship from the past when there are so many blessings around us right now! I’m now setting an old friend free🎉
This is also a good reminder to show up even when we don't know how. Jennie apparently didn't know how, and her choice was to do nothing. I understand this feeling on a less life-altering level. Most people in our lives will appreciate however we choose to show up as long as we do it with sincerity. They're not looking for perfection or that you get all the words and gestures right--just show up, sit with them, and listen to them as they navigate their pain.
When I was a senior in high school I ran track. I was the anchor on the two mile relay team that won every race but one and was closing in on a school record. After qualifying for state, the coach decided he wanted to have run offs to give a freshman (who didn’t qualify in his event) a chance to run at state. I refused to participate. The AD and principal told the coach he was wrong. He didn’t relent and I stood my ground and thus didn’t run at state. The hurt caused by this stayed with me for years. I always felt the anger resurface when I saw the coach. In hindsight, the experience changed me in a good way. As a coach I always remembered that feeling and it changed how I treated my athletes. But the pain was still there. I sought therapy. My therapist advised me to sit down and write a letter to the coach and lay everything out…how I felt and how it impacted me. Then he told me to seal it in an envelope and put it away for a week. After the week was up I reopened the letter and read it. Somehow, this act was immediately freeing and I could literally feel the burden lift. Today, when I see that coach we are friendly toward each other and I don’t feel that anger anymore. The letter didn’t make things right, but it freed me to move forward and live a healthy life without the anchor hanging around my neck.
I can sympathize with Jennie as I have been in a similar situation with my best friend growing up. Bill had cancer of the bone marrow and wasn't expected to live very many days after the discovery. He sought me out and told me about it and I was going through the death of my own mother who had cancer of the liver to where she went from being a vibrant and beautiful older woman to skin and bones in 9 months time . As a married man with two kids of our own I couldn't escape the sadness that I felt at seeing my mother waste away and Bill expected more of me during that time and I just didn't have it in me to give him what he expected of me during his sickness. I reasoned though that he did have his own wife and kids and his siblings and parents who were by his side often during his last days and I rest in that thought . Nevertheless, I know he was disappointed in me and for that, I was saddened for a season but have not beat myself up over it since. Friendships take a lot of energy to maintain when married and trying to make a living and sometimes choices have to be made to distance oneself from the whole reality of dying and move on until Death comes knocking.
Thank you for the reminder to move on and stop focusing on the friendship from the past when there are so many blessings around us right now! I’m now setting an old friend free🎉
This is also a good reminder to show up even when we don't know how. Jennie apparently didn't know how, and her choice was to do nothing. I understand this feeling on a less life-altering level. Most people in our lives will appreciate however we choose to show up as long as we do it with sincerity. They're not looking for perfection or that you get all the words and gestures right--just show up, sit with them, and listen to them as they navigate their pain.
Definitely
When I was a senior in high school I ran track. I was the anchor on the two mile relay team that won every race but one and was closing in on a school record. After qualifying for state, the coach decided he wanted to have run offs to give a freshman (who didn’t qualify in his event) a chance to run at state. I refused to participate. The AD and principal told the coach he was wrong. He didn’t relent and I stood my ground and thus didn’t run at state. The hurt caused by this stayed with me for years. I always felt the anger resurface when I saw the coach. In hindsight, the experience changed me in a good way. As a coach I always remembered that feeling and it changed how I treated my athletes. But the pain was still there. I sought therapy. My therapist advised me to sit down and write a letter to the coach and lay everything out…how I felt and how it impacted me. Then he told me to seal it in an envelope and put it away for a week. After the week was up I reopened the letter and read it. Somehow, this act was immediately freeing and I could literally feel the burden lift. Today, when I see that coach we are friendly toward each other and I don’t feel that anger anymore. The letter didn’t make things right, but it freed me to move forward and live a healthy life without the anchor hanging around my neck.
Yes! Writing an unsent letter can be so powerful!
Thanks for sharing that, Dennis.
Thank you for the wise words of advice!
This scenario is way too common in all our lives. The facts of how to recognize it is greatly appreciated by all who have experienced it!
I really enjoy these Sunday therapy sessions
This is so helpful. Thank you.
Every.Single.Word.Of.This.
I can sympathize with Jennie as I have been in a similar situation with my best friend growing up. Bill had cancer of the bone marrow and wasn't expected to live very many days after the discovery. He sought me out and told me about it and I was going through the death of my own mother who had cancer of the liver to where she went from being a vibrant and beautiful older woman to skin and bones in 9 months time . As a married man with two kids of our own I couldn't escape the sadness that I felt at seeing my mother waste away and Bill expected more of me during that time and I just didn't have it in me to give him what he expected of me during his sickness. I reasoned though that he did have his own wife and kids and his siblings and parents who were by his side often during his last days and I rest in that thought . Nevertheless, I know he was disappointed in me and for that, I was saddened for a season but have not beat myself up over it since. Friendships take a lot of energy to maintain when married and trying to make a living and sometimes choices have to be made to distance oneself from the whole reality of dying and move on until Death comes knocking.
That’s very good !